Even Just a Little Something... Always

Last Saturday, April 17, was our 35th Anniversary. Quite an accomplishment nowadays. 35 years of a marriage - and growing stronger and better all the time.

We decided our trip to Saudi Arabia and Egypt a few weeks ago would be our celebration. And it couldn't have been better - Every day was filled with things we never knew we'd do in our lifetime.

One of us decided that we wouldn't need to celebrate any more; after all, we'd spent 15 days and a whole lot of money together. Fortunately, the other one of us still had the sense to know that April 17 would need to be celebrated. And thanks to 35 years of experience, she knew that she better clue in her other half ahead of time if she wanted to spend the day feeling loved.

And it was a great day - We took a short hike around the Hudson River, went to dinner at the Mall food court (which we actually really enjoy), and watching a sweet DVD at home. We also shared our dreams, hopes, memories, and some humor. It was a great day.


Here are by the river. Notice the pearls - I've never hiked wearing real pearls before. And remind me to tell you about them someday...


It reminded me of an article I read last February. Here it is:

"To survive Valentine's Day as a new husband, get out your checkbook.

Just don't do what I did.

It was two weeks before our second Valentine's Day as a married couple -- our fourth since we'd met -- and I was about as motivated to buy a gift as I was to replace my car's grubby air filter. The smell of Valentine's season -- flowers, perfumes, candy -- didn't seem as sweet since the rings had been on both fingers for more than a year.

What's more, finances were tight.

So I strategically brought up the budget with my wife. Sighing and squeezing my forehead while looking at the checkbook ledger, I expressed hope there were no major expenses on the horizon.

It worked. We agreed to not buy gifts.
I was feeling pretty good about myself when the subject of gifts came up on the day before Valentine's. I smugly told some friends of our arrangement -- like I'd figured out how to tee off 300 yards without ever visiting the driving range.

Thankfully, I was saved by some wise advice. "She's still going to want something," I was told. "You can't not get her anything."

I was skeptical, but the words tumbled around inside me, getting heavier by the hour. By the time I was on my way home later that night, I wasn't willing to chance it. I stopped by a grocery store and bought a single rose and some candy.

After I woke up, my wife presented me with a small token of Valentine's affection -- a modest but warmly decorated box of chocolates.

"I wanted you to have something," she said. "Sorry I broke the rules."

Stereotypes suggest that women expect men to know what they are thinking, to hear the unsaid.

But I don't believe my wife expected anything. Tiffany isn't demanding. She doesn't play mind games, and sentiment doesn't flow freely. Had I not stopped, I'm sure she -- ostensibly and internally -- would have been fine.

But I already felt horrible.

And without at least something, I would have felt even worse.

So now I have a new rule: No matter how strongly we agree not to buy anything, there still has to be something.

By Aaron Shill, Mormon Times
Tuesday, Feb. 09, 2010